ohbooth: (Kansas Boys)
[personal profile] ohbooth
Okay, so I am gonna kinda re-do my post that LJ ate, without the SN meme, cause I can't refind it :)

So, basically I reviewed a couple movies :P So if you have no interest in my critical look at a couple movies, you can stop now. No harm no foul. Oh, and be warned there are spoilers about the movies if you read on.


So I watched Transporter 3 (QUICK QUESTION: Does anyone remember if it was IN FACT released IN theaters? Or did it go straight to DVD? Cause I can't for the life of me remember seeing it advertised IN the theaters.) Okay, back to the movie.

Holy fuck they should have stopped at the second one, no need to make this into a 'trilogy'.

Actually, before I get into the 'problems' I had with it, I wanna start with the praise. My BFF told me I HAD to watch it (but I didn't listen to the rest of her advice and just FF to the Jason scenes). So, I watched it, and MAN, was she right about one thing, Jason is still gorgeous! Holy ever loving cow! The man doesn't LOOK particularly 'buff' in the textbook kind of way when he is dressed in his suit and stuff. But when he takes his shirt off (which he does at least three times I can remember right now) the muscles all but fly at you! Just...wow, someone give his parents a prize! Those genes are so hot he should have a fire station on standby for him 24-7. He isn't the HUGE and gawky type buff, but he is VERY cut and just GAH, so amazingly hot!  And he has that AMAZING trap muscle all toned and perfect, I just wanted to bite it! As far as I am concerned, all he has to do is stand there without his shirt on and like, read names from a phonebook (cause I LOVE his voice) and I would pay SO MUCH MONEY to be standing there in front of him just a watchin' and listenin'!

Also, I still loved the dynamic his character had with the same cop, Tarconi. So much fun! Those two are such a great pairing, they are funny and witty and just like the perfect fit! :) I like their friendship, and I think it was the highlight of the film (besides half naked Jason of course). I also liked the part where he got his car out of a lake with big ol bags and the air from his tires because he couldn't go over 75 feet away from the car (explosive device strapped around his wrist). He was so cute all soaking wet and riding on the top of his car as some random farmer hauled him out of the lake LOL!!

Okay, now onto my MAJOR problem with it. The girl, the damsel in distress that morphs into his love interest. Okay, I get it, I understand that they want him to have evolved into this guy that would be all 'break the rules and open myself up to change' instead of the harcore one he has been in the previous ones (except he totally opened up in the last one, and it was more believable then!). But all I ask is that of you HAVE to give him a love interest, make her somehwhat intelligent mmkay? I mean, don't make him go all soft (no pun intended) over some princess snooty party girl that pops mystery pills for fun and pees in the middle of convenience stores fights over radion stations while dancing around in the backseat (because of said mystery 'happy' pills) when they are literally in a high speed car chase and just generally acts like a five year old child. I mean, she is SO annoying and unlikable that I lost some respect for Jason's character because he was interested in her at all. It was just completely non-canon for the character they have built up for two movies. 

And the last line after the big 'fight' where she goes 'Am I in heaven?' after a big explosion near them, and he says 'It is actually more like hell right now' and she says 'It doesn't matter where we are, as long as we are there together' I actually ROLLED MY EYES at the TV! And you know, I got through all of Twilight (which I'll give my full opinion on next) without any eye-rolling!! I NEVER thought a Jason Statham movie would cause me to roll my eyes physically at the TV. It was SO horrible and cliche and just bad bad wrong.

And my last beef with this movie is the DVD cover. It is not usually a big deal, but they have the girl on the front cover with guns in her hands looking all badass, but the thing is, she never ONCE touches a gun, I don't even think she would know how to hold one. She spends most of the movie either sullen and silent or crazy and childish or completely basketcase sad, which is NOT what she looks like on the cover. Its just BAD and FALSE advertising. And then they have Jason on the cover with the guns a blazin' as well, BUT the people that commission him for the job he is forced to do strip all the guns and weapons out of his car, so he never touches a gun either. Like, ever! But there they are, on the front of the cover looking like gun toting badasses, when there is one badass and one little girl...hmm, sounds like a good movie title. 


On to Twilight. Alright, I know a couple of you absolutely love the books AND the movie (my BFF has the books even and keeps trying to convince me to read them) and I think you will be safe reading my criticism. Although it is a bit harsh on the author, so if you are a huge fan of hers I would skip my 'review'.

First thing I noticed, this author is a hack. I mean, even if she wasn't responsible for the exact script, it was based on her book, so she takes full responsibility as far as I am concerned. Vampires DO NOT SPARKLE. This is my main problem. As much as I was happy to SEE the sparkly vampire because it meant that I had fuel for mocking for many years to come, it is just WRONG. Vampires have established lore about them, real or not, it is established and massively agreed on (with small variations). But no, this chick decides one day 'Okay, well, despite everything everyone has ever written about Vampires, I am gonna make mine sparkle. And like, massively sparkle, crazy over the top sparkle, just cause I feel like it.' So yeah, she just makes up her own lore, which is fine, if she was making up her OWN CREATURES, but no, she went with a popular 'beast' and decided to completely change their core.

I mean, NOW I get that icon I saw a while ago that had a pic of Spike and the caption "Vampires do not fucking sparkle". I understand how perfect and funny that is now, BUT I would want it with a pic of 'sparkly' Robert, but there seems to be NO icons of the 'sparkle' scene which is crap! I need to mock people!

Another thing "Vegetarian Vampires" is confusing, so don't use it. Think of something else, because vegetarian means NO MEAT, not 'No humans'. If a vampire were vegetarian, it would cease to exist, because they FEED ON THE BLOOD to stay 'alive' or 'undead' whichever you prefer. So open up a dictionary and find another way to describe this certain variety of vampire. I mean, go with 'Human Friendly' or 'Animal Inclined' Vampires, but then again, that would mean she would actually have to work with the established lore, and once again, that is something she is apparently not capable of doing. So 'Vegetarian Vampires' it is. And she wonders WHY people call her books glorified fic. I have actually read BETTER fic than her stuff (and yes, I TRIED to read one of the books my friend was forcing on me, and I couldn't get through more than one paragraph.)

Oh, and makeup department? Fail, epic fail. The 'white' wasn't covering all of the skin of the vampires all of the time, and it was HIGHLY distracting. Also, is Bella always that whiny? Holy crap at the end in the hospital she lost it! What a basketcase!

Okay, good points now. I liked Robert, he was funny and broody and cute. So much adorable. Also liked the baseball game thing, and I think it was hilarious when he first smelled Bella and he was all nauseated and asked to change classes LOL. I also liked the part where they started to kiss and he threw himself backwards off the bed to 'stop' himself. It was a cool random effect, not complicated but very effective in representing the distance between them. Um...I think that's about it, I mean, the absurd plot crap kept me from fully enjoying the prettiness that was Robert, so that is basically all I've got. OH, the music. Good soundtrack, I like it a ton, and I LOVE that Robert has a song on it, and I need more of him, so if you have any you wanna share, let me know :) 


Robyn and I watched this movie, and I would like to say how much Jim has 'mellowed' LOL. He is still funny, don't get me wrong, but he isn't as 'over the top' as he used to be. Sometimes it's good, sometimes I miss the crazy antics.

I thought the movie was cute and cheesy (like it should be) and I did like it. I mean, I wasn't overwhelmed at how amazing it was, but it served it's purpose. I REALLY liked Zooey Deschanel and Jim's dynamic together, they made such a good onscreen pair. Her quirky self was such a great foil for his 'new and improved' Yes!Man self.

Hmm, I don't really have much to say with this one, the RedBull rant was funny, a lot of the stuff was funny, the 'interrogation' scene with him in the airport was good too. I would say it's a feel good fun comedy :) if you like the actors you'll probably enjoy it, but if they bug you in any way, I would stay away :) 


Okay, just watched another Jason Statham movie (apparently my BFF is on a Jason Statham kick (we pretty much always are though, we both love him) so she keeps making me watch the movies I haen't seen of his so we can talk about how beautiful he is). Anyways, watched Chaos today :)

Okay, pretty basic plot, and I totally called the 'twist' at the ending (I have watched too many moives NOT to see it coming), but I did like it. I liked how they tied it all in together. Jason was wonderful (although I may be biased), and I liked the 'realness' that Ryan brought to his character. And Wesley Snipes always plays a good villain, he is pretty made of awesome.

Didn't like the chick in this one either LOL, she is the reason that they get fired at during a stakeout (she is stupid enough NOT to silence her pager), and she is sleeping with the asshole at the beginning but runs after Jason Statham's character when he gets a little attention and is all 'tough guy- back on the job' again. This time though, Jason's character turns her down, good on him! I was VERY excited about that!  The effects and stuff are good, overall an enjoyable movie. I would say if you weren;t as jaded as I was with movies and seeing the signs for the 'twists' they try to spring on the sudience, you may be surprised by the turn of events.

I also liked the whole 'Chaos Theory' aspect of it. It's part of the reason I figured out the plot 'twist'.

Also, saw these and REALLY wanna see them!!! I think it is mostly because of who is in them, because I know they will probably be typical 'Romantic Comedy' plots, but I don't care! LOL, I like all kinds of movies!

Hmm, that's all from me for now :P 
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